WTF Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

Hey. C’mere, doofus. D’awwwww, YOU, come here! WHAT? NO, it’s not a trick! What kind of person do you take me for! Lemme just put my arm around you for a little hug, I just wanna hoooolllldddd you…

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No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Sometimes I just like to be playful, to mess around a little bit. I just realize that though the world is a burning garbage fire hellscape from which I am doomed never to escape, I don’t have to be a big downer all the time, and I certainly don’t have to complain about it constantly. I have a friend who gave me this advice fairly recently. He goes, “look, you and I could be stuck carrying bags of rocks up a hill all day, but we could either just do it and try to enjoy it, or you can complain about it the whole fucking time and make it even more miserable for both of us.”

Uh… zing, I guess?


Anyway, I had written a whole epic tirade on #metoo and call out culture, but I need to just give it a rest for a second. I’m getting ready for a big show I’m putting on at Port City Music Hall this coming First Friday, April 6th. It’s a healing event, and it’s music and performance and theater and an immersive experience all in one, and I think it will be a bit of a game changer. There are a handful of people involved, and I’m involved in a few different ways, but for my performance, I’m doing a version of what I did this past November on the thing out on the island in the concrete building. Maybe you were there, maybe you weren’t, but basically it’s a ritual healing experience with the opportunity to pull cards.

I’m stepping it up a little bit for this version though, since I will have so many other incredible witches, performers, healers and readers with me. I’ve been putting a lot of effort into my special deck of guide cards (sorta like tarot, I suppose) for this show. There are 6 suits of seven cards each: The Board of Directors, The Sisters, The Brothers, The Materials, The Guides and The Obstacles. I finished the Sisters suit, and then I turned my attention to The Brothers. And here’s where things went dark.

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I kept drawing vultures. I had drawn these beautiful cards for The Sisters honoring the divine feminine, but I was having a hard time honoring the divine masculine. I had to take a break and consider that. I went and worked on some other suits and I’m coming back to The Brothers again, and I just have to stop being so fucking mad at y’all and find my empathy. I need to find my empathy for the divine masculine in ALL of us, whose spirit has been crushed and attacked just as much as the divine feminine’s has. In different ways. But in ways that are just as devastating for all of us.

I have good men in my life. But even the good men - much like the good women - have been taught a distorted version of masculinity. I have empathy that all touch has to be sexual touch and hugging a male friend makes you worry about being gay. I have empathy that you can’t cry and be vulnerable when you need to be. I have empathy that you weren’t taught healthy ways to use your strength and energy when your anger gets the best of you. I have empathy that misogyny and abuse is so normalized in our culture that you don’t know how to be any other way.

A woman I know with four small children one day told me that she was super mad at her son for something, but it’s important to her that she holds her son and is kind and compassionate to him physically and emotionally when she’s mad at him. “You have to touch and hold them and love them from your core even when they’re at their worst,” she said. And if I’m going to be empathetic, if I’m going to do true, honest empathy work at this show we have coming up, I need to find this place. That's the honest place I'm trying to go. 

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So this week here at HT:P! Worldwide Headquarters, I take a few, SMALL jabs at the boys, but really let’s just have some fun together. We all need to laugh, and I need a break from being so mad all the time. That’s not to say I don’t NOTICE the bullshit you boys put me through (there’s a male human at a certain place I go to every day who has still not looked me in the eye and said hello, but made a big show of introducing himself to one of the other men in the establishment earlier today while I was standing right there. I’m like… ok HI THERE, I AM HERE TOO WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE AM I DEAD? AM I A GODDAM POLTERGEIST THAT ONLY SOME OF YOU CAN SEE?), but I’m trying to understand you and make concessions for how you were taught to be and give you the opportunity to be better, even if it wasn't your idea. And this kind of understanding breeds empathy. And I think when I go back to draw my suit of The Brothers, I will not draw vultures anymore. 

Well, maybe one vulture. Vultures are pretty cool, actually. A Beatnik vulture, actually. Smoking a cigarette, wearing a turtleneck and a beret and doing slam poetry. My kind of lad.  

FRIDAY March 9

Brett Dennen and Dean Lewis are at Port City Music Hall. Every time I think about Brett Dennen I crack up so hard because I had this dude who worked for me back in the day and he was super into like, all that undergroundy alterna-folk - this is around 2007 - and Brett Dennen had just come out and I was listening to that song “Crazy” or whatever it’s called while counting down drawers at the end of the night and that guy walks into my office and goes, what are you listening to? And I tell him it’s Brett Dennen. And he goes, “Brett Dennen is a DOOOORK! UGGHHHHH!!”

I’ll never forget this magic moment. I just love it.

The Apohadion has Host, Jared Fairfield and Janane Tripp. I have no idea what any of these things are.


Hilariously, in blues dude James Montgomery’s bio, the first artist to be name dropped as a “has played with” is Kid Rock. Not Duane Allman. Not B.B. King. Kid goddam motherfucking Rock. You know, Kid Rock, the international Blues legend? So. Let’s rewrite that bio, mmkay Monty? Anyway, he’s at OLS tonight.

I literally cannot even with Organically Good Trio’s absolutely atrocious band name, but, you know, chops-wise, they’re fairly legit… if a little out of it as far as what the kids will ever think is hip. They are at Bayside Bowl tonight.  

Manic Abraxas, Witchkiss (NY), Undercliff (CT) and Objet are at Geno’s. All yer doomz and yer sludgez.

Oxbow has their Farmhouse Fridays dance party going on, and I kind of regret having recommended these dances to people because other than the one or two of them that I’ve been to that were all turnt and shit, they are pretty miserable experiences. Lotta bros loving up on their saisons or sours or whatever and not even dancing a little bit. I suppose it may depend on the DJ and what time of year it is? It’s hard to tell, however, who the DJ is at any of these things because of the way they set the event up as recurring on fb. Anyway. All of this is neither here nor there. Go to the thing or don’t, it probably doesn’t matter, they have a whole thing going on and don’t need you.


Blue has American Primitive and El Malo. Rexy and the Bones are at Dogfish. Plague is downstairs at Aura with my fave DJ Foxy. Upstairs Aura has some dude named Trevor Hall who looks like Philip from the anniversary California season of Top Chef and I hate that guy and his stupid strawberry salad so much so now I hate Trevor Hall, apparently. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t need me, he’s fine. Salvage has Aces. Why did I stop listing stuff at Salvage for a while there? What’s wrong with me, it’s like my mind just has blanks and I forget shit. Senior moment? You guys, when that happens you have to TELL ME. Apparently my calendar was broken for weeks for a while and none of y’all dicks told me. It’s like you don’t even care anymore. YOU NEVER CARED FOR ME, NEVER! Alright, whatever, you’re tacky and I hate you. Brian Boru has a dance party called Cash Corner. Something Stupid is at RiRa, and I’m just going to go ahead and take their word for it. Primo Cubano are at PHOME.

Aaaannnndddd that looks to be about it for Friday. It’s kind of a stacked night for a snow weekend. Maine, you so burly.


UM, look at this thing at the Apohadion. Malandrino: Music from the Criminal Underworld of Sicily and Calabria. I saw this and I was like, “I gotta tell all my witchy friends, they’ll love this shit.” And then I was like, wait a second… I will eat my hat if Amos Goddam Libby isn’t involved in this somehow. I click on the link, and who is behind this? Amos Libby. And so, Amos, I am leaving this Easter Egg here for you, because I hope you see this and I hope this makes you laugh:  

“It’s funny that a dragon said that.”


The inimitable DJ Double Dessert will be at Oxbow on Saturday night doing a “safer space” 00’s dance party to benefit Planned Parenthood and We Speak About it. Probably scratch everything bad I said about dancing at Oxbow earlier - anytime consent and accessible healthcare comes into the picture, the bad kids tend to go scurrying off to whatever MAGA corner they crawled out of, making room for the rest of us.  

The Thirsty Pig has an Americana duo called Never Been to Tennessee. I, however, have indeed been to Tennessee. A few times, actually. Enough times to have done drugs more than once in the great state of Tennessee. That’s right, come at me Tennessee cops, you can’t touch me now! I’m straight as an arrow in my old age! When we were kids and all of my cousins and I would play Monopoly at family parties, my cousin Greg and my brother, both super into the Grateful Dead, would sing “Tennessee” any time one of them landed on Tennessee Avenue, except instead of “there ain’t no place I’d rather be,” they would sing “there ain’t no place I’d rather NOT be!” You know, cuz they had to pay rent. Anyway. Just some insight as to where I get it from. I learned it by watching you, as they say, though I’m realizing just now how fucking dated a reference that is. I’m guessing it’s still just as ridiculous though, let’s check it out:

YUP. Oy, I have so many thoughts! I can’t though, we’d be here for like five more days. But, like, I love how the kids is like, “Dad, I…” and the dad cuts him off by yelling “ANSWER ME!”

Men are so good at communication, y’all. Just the best.  

The Gamma Goochies, Demon Seeds and The English Muffins are doing the annual LUX LIVES party at Bayside Bowl, which is a party to pay homage to The Cramps founder Lux Interior. Live at 212 hosts a bitchin’ rock party with Xander Nelson and Iron Dynamite. A nice break from their typical menu of ear-blasting cock metal.

OLS is hosting Parsonfield. I don’t know anything about this band, they look like a bunch of beardy bros to me. It’s sold out tho. OH RIGHT I FORGOT, despite the fact that everyone is a racially woke feminist now we still all just love white beardy bros. The Mallet Brothers! SOLD OUT! The Ghost of Paul Revere! SOLD OUT! Parsonfield! SOLD OUT! Hm. Something tells me I’m being lied to…


Ladysmith Black Mambazo, the five-time Grammy-winning (they won Best World Album this year at the Grammys) South African vocal choir are at Merrill Auditorium. This show is not sold out, despite all those Grammys, despite all those times they performed and recorded with Paul Simon, despite having performed the second-most-beloved song from the legendary film “Coming to America” (duh, Randy Jackson and Sexual Chocolate’s rendition of “The Greatest Love” is obviously #1), their show here in Portland, Maine is not sold out. Parsonfield’s is. But don’t despair, there are some people playing Italian music at The Apohadion and there’s this little fly by night South African choir at the Merrill, so you don’t have to stay home tonight, honey. Shhhhhh, no, shhhhhh, it’s gonna be ok. I promise you the scary ethnics aren’t going to jump off the stage and attack you. I promise. Just try it, you’ll see.   

Obsidian Tongue, Ancalagon, Angel Morgue and Bloodborn are at Geno’s. Empire has Joppa Road with a Tribute 2 Rage Against the Machine, which, timing is really right on this one, huh. Tumbledown Saints are at Salvage. MJ’s Wine Bar is having a Masquerade Ball with “live music.” Blue has jazz with Big World. PCMH has Whitney vs. Mariah at their VS DJ Night series.

That's it. Go forth, be safe, be kind, and always kick ass. XOXOVK