Hello friends. Music Video Portland last night… happened. I have no perspective on it yet, and I’ve gotten about 7 hours of sleep over the past three nights and I can’t even think about it right now without bursting into big floppy elephant tears. I know that, like, common sense and the protection of my “brand” dictates that I’m supposed to put up some glowing “LAST NIGHT WAS AMAAAAZZZZIIINNNGGG” post, and I know that I crushed the thing. I know it was good. But I feel depleted and like total shit for like a zillion tiny reasons that have nothing to do with the event itself but are related to it in various ways. Some people I was counting on suddenly going AWOL. Diminishing or hurtful things people said to me or did to me, trying to take my power. Strong women who don’t fucking need YOU are intimidating. That’s why I wear platform heels and beehive hairdos and hats. So I can amplify that message. I’m big. My body is big. My mind is big. My life is big. That’s what’s inside. Yeah, I know that scares you. But what else am I supposed to be?
That said, though, the only reason I was able to pull any of this off was because of these people: Will Bradford, Conor Tubbs, Kari Hodgens, Luna Colt, Laura Barry, Ian Riley and Jess Borrelli. And so many of you have been so incredibly publicly supportive of this endeavor: Aimsel Ponti, Xander Nelson, Charlie Gaylord, Myles Bullen, I have so much gratitude for you.
I keep thinking about how much I yelled at the people helping me last night. Will, I yelled at you SO. MANY. TIMES. over the past week. I said mean shit because I was stressed out, I yelled, I snapped. But you’re fucking ride or die, man, and every time I apologize for being an asshole and say “I’m sorry for yelling,” you say “that’s ok,” and you move on. That’s everything. That’s family.
And thanks to Jason Cornell for magically being around to talk me through some of this stuff last night. Jason, U R A SMRT PRSN. Respect, friend.
I will announce the winners in a couple of days and do a redux and hopefully post a video of our dramatic reading of the epic “King of Maine” rap beef from Facebook when whatever is going on with my exhaustion and emotions has cleared away and I can see straight.
And if anyone has any video of the little speech I made, I would love to see it. I really have no recollection of what I said, I mean I know what I INTENDED to say, but I don’t know if what I said matched what was in my heart. I hope it came close. I had a lot to tell you all last night. Anyway, reach out if you have that.
Hey. Thanks, guys. I love you, always. You know that. Go check the calendar for something to do this weekend. XOXOXOX