What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

It’s twilight, all the lights are off and all the windows are open in my apartment. A mob of seagulls are staging a complex musical number - possibly the prayer meeting scene from “Guys and Dolls” - outside. I’ve got on underwear and a These Wild Plains t shirt, I’m cross-legged with my laptop sitting astride my pale, clammy hammies. I’ve got a cold, cheap beer sweating it out on the arm of my love seat, and I’m listening to the saddest songs about lost stuff, about being a grownup. “Razor Love” by Neil Young is shredding my heart like a kitten on tissue paper.

I got to bet that your old man became fascinated with his own plan

These final golden days of summer, they’re so precious, their edges sanded down by the buzz of cicada wings, their afternoon breezes throwing coy hints about sweaters to come. Here in 2017, we could spend them thinking about who we know with a basement so that when the radiation plume comes after North Korea blows up New York City or whatever, we’ll have somewhere to wait it out (sidebar: do any of you have a basement and live near me?). But we shouldn’t. We’ll either die or we won’t. That risk exists every fucking day. A part of me even wonders if Trump and KJU are like, giggling with each other via text right now about how how their scheme to control and terrify the world is coming to fruition. But it just doesn't matter, we're a mere blip on the radar when it comes to the history of this planet. Love and comfort matter, though. So come over here and take my hand. Put your arm around me and let’s get too close and lean on each other and dance slow and sweaty to the end of this beautiful song in this hot, dark apartment. Then, I’ll put some goddam pants on for once in my stupid life and we’ll go out into the night, in search of music that makes us feel like magic still exists. And we’ll forget about the new cold war for a while.     

Can you find it in your heart to let go of these feelings, like a bell to a southerly wind?

But first, if you haven’t already, go read my piece about bullying from earlier this week. You know, or don’t, nothing matters. Except each other, for just a moment. One beautiful, calm thing in a storm of agony. Thank you cold war for a vigorously renewed sense of ennui!

Friday August 11

MAMM has their kids’ concert series in Deering Oaks Park - from 10:30 to 11:30am on Friday - every Friday in August. This week they have teen all girl band Yardsail, followed by the MAMM student ensembles. Then they’re doing some stuff with Guster at Thompson’s Point. See below.

Adam Gardner from Guster is from Maine, and you guys probably already knew that. Anyway, so Guster is celebrating their 25th anniversary with a boat cruise and then a fan party at Bayside Bowl tonight which I think are sold out. Then on Saturday they have a concert at Thompson’s Point (see Saturday) and on Sunday they’re kayaking out to Great Diamond Island to play a “secret show” that’s sold out but if you have a kayak you can probably just go? I mean I don’t know. Most of this shit is sold out but there seem to be tickets left for the show at Thompson’s Point Saturday. I know one Guster song, they didn’t infiltrate the NYC scene as thoroughly as they did New England. It just feels like there are so many bongos. So, so many bongos. Whatever, I still love Toad the Wet Sprocket, so. Enjoy, Guster fans! 

Mathew’s has their “Summer Forever” show on the roof with Lacuna, Crimewave, Lyohka boys, Trele the God, Treelock and Bright Boy.

It is the rare event that can make me break my no cheese rule, but I believe the Italian Bazaar will be one of those events. The event starts on Friday with the Jim Ciampi Band, but let’s be real, you go for the food. I’m going to smash some fucking Italian food like I’m back on the streets of New Jersey - Northern NJ, none of this bullshit Jersey shore crap - where all the cute boys are named Bobby, Tony or Eddie, and all the sandwiches have actual bread on both sides instead of a hot dog bun with a vague trench carved in the top with cold cuts laid over the top GODDAMIT I HATE MAINE ITALIAN SANDWICHES WHY ARE THEY EVEN A THING.

Phebe Tice is at Andy’s. The New Review, Red Tail Hawk and A Mighty Lion are at Bayside Bowl. Inanna - a women’s percussion ensemble - are at Congress Square Park. El Malo, Fat Knuckle Freddy and Craig Ventresco are at Blue. Rexy and the Bones are at Dogfish.

D. Gross and Los Federales are releasing their new album at PHOME with Muddy Ruckus and the Emilia Dahlin Quartet.

Highly Suspect, whose whole… thing just makes me want to stab my eyes out because I am An Old who can smell a contrived affectation from 100 miles away, is with And the Kids at the State Theatre.

Studio One reggae giant Freddie MacGregor is at Aura, in what could possibly be Aura’s first concert worth a shit since they reopened as a Paris Hilton era martini ultra lounge for dullards with dollars.

Lightning Bolt, Lingua Ignota and Cadaverette are at SPACE Gallery. Megan Jo Wilson is at Empire. Donavon Frankenreiter and Matt Grundy are at Port City Music Hall. I love the name Grundy because we had two male gym teachers at my high school who, you know, also coached various sports. One was Coach Grundy and one was Coach Long. Coach Long was the hot basketball coach, mid-40’s, totally smokin’ 90’s old dude babe. He used to make us do a twisty stretch at the beginning of gym class and he’d go, “alright… twist, no shout” with the kind of Jersey accent you only hear on The Sopranos and in the heart of a New Jersey high school. Same joke, over and over, for years. I literally remember nothing about Coach Grundy, though, except that he wore those weird high waisted gym coach shorts. The mom jeans of men’s athletic apparel.

Also beautiful Coach Grundy #styleinspo, basically. Except gold and black because GO RIVER DELL GOLDEN HAWKS!!!

Also beautiful Coach Grundy #styleinspo, basically. Except gold and black because GO RIVER DELL GOLDEN HAWKS!!!

No Good, Twin Trances and Boom Shanka are at Geno’s. Flask has Foundation Friday. Cajun Aces are at Salvage. The Last King, Objet, Weapons at Hand and Lethal Creed are at Live at 212. Joe Bonamassa is at the Maine State Pier.

Saturday August 12

There’s some stuff during the day today if you want to get your day drinking I mean music on. Sons of Alfond are at Geary’s. DJ Andre Lavoy is at Thirsty Pig. Also, it should be noted, Thirsty Pig almost always has music between like 1pm and 6pm on Saturdays. It’s not always on fb so I don’t always have links, but it’s usually a good bet that you can see something there on a Saturday afternoon. Tiger Bomb is at Congress Square Park.

Chris Webby is at Aura. Blue has jazz with the Gideon Forbes Quartet. Pete Witham and the Cozmik Zombies are at Easy Day. ‘Cuse Me, KGFREEZE and Tall Horse are at Mathew’s.

Guster continues their weekend extravaganza at Thompson’s Point tonight, accompanied by the Maine Youth Rock Orchestra, with Spencer Albee and the Ghost of Paul Revere opening, because apparently we are all trapped in a purgatorial hell dimension in which the only bands that open for touring acts in this town are Spencer, GoPR and Weakened Friends. Even people in creative industries are afraid to take risks these days.

Oxbow Hosts Hip Hops 5, a hip hop showcase series, with Das EFX, Mr. Lif and Akrobatik, and local Ben Shorr is also releasing his new album tonight.

Bayside Bowl once again hosts the Lobster Stomp with Muck and the Mires, the Gamma Goochies and The Wallhangers. This is free.  

Flask is trying to get a new sound system going, so you can attend their Upgrade dance party tonight and donate some dollars. It’s free to go if funds aren’t available, but if you’ve got $5 tonight it might go a long way to help them put some new speakers or some shit in.

Raging Brass is out on the patio at Slab. Greg Martens has a benefit for his Go Big For Hunger charity called “I Rocked the Basement,” at PHOME which seems like an insidery thing for insiders - Squagmyre, Syd’s Kids and Lazy Beyond Description are playing. Stoner/doom bands Kings and Liars, Devil’s Nite Out and Culling the Herd are at Geno’s. Dopapod and the Christopher Jacques trio are at PCMH. Loki, Acoustified and Revision are at the Spring Point Tavern. Salvage has King Memphis.

Sunday August 13

There’s a concert for kids at USM. OC and the Offbeats are at Slab. Blue has 5j Barrow, Lauren Crosby and Sypek Brothers. Downtown Boys are at SPACE Gallery with Bright Boy and Phallus Uber Alles.  Lauren Tosswill, Nick Klein, Enrique, Lack and Kerry Anderson are at the Apohadion Theater. Flask has Sundaze

OK my darling wee naughty poppets, do the right thing. No drinking and driving, no bullshit, no cruelty, no attachments, no judgments, no expectations. Sometimes days go speeding past. Sometimes this one seems like the last. It's a sad and beautiful world.