What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

Hello and welcome! WELCOME. Welcome to you! AND to you! AND TO YOU! Welcome to all of you!

I come to you this morning bright and early, from the shotgun seat of a white 16 passenger van throttling down the highway at top speeds. I have in my possession a bucket of watermelon, two dogs, some sunscreen, this laptop personal computing device, a bunch of music gear that I don’t understand, my superbestie in the driver’s seat and a Very Large Iced Coffee™. That’s all you need, I think, for life. Right? In a few hours, I’ll be tasked with helping to perform an elaborate prank involving a dinghy and then be getting on a sailboat for a day of nautical delights. If any of you are in the Bangor area tomorrow, my friends Will Bradford, Joel Thetford, Ian Riley, Dan Capaldi and Josh Madore are doing a show at Central Gallery. Come through and I’ll let you buy me a drink and I’ll regale you with tales of attempting to navigate this life with absolutely no idea what the fuck I’m doing. Hilarity guaranteed. 

Friday July 21

The youth arts collective Kesho Wazo are putting on their little festie Wazo Fest in a couple different locations this weekend. If I had kids I’d bring them to this because those Kesho Wazo kids have the very best of intentions for this world and are basically woke as fuck. It’s also neat to see a group like this figure out their creative voice and stage show, and as they evolve, our community evolves right along side of it.

Sonic Libido and Battery Steele are opening for Mighty Mighty Bosstones at Aura

PHOME has Thommy Kane with Myles Bullen, High Grade and Roxx the 96er. Thommy Kane appears to be some kind of hip hop artist but I’m so distracted by his stupid fedora and Chav facial expression that it really doesn’t matter. If you go to this though, make sure you show up in time for Myles.

Revibe is at Bayside Bowl with Relative Souls. I know nothing about this band but this description of their show charms me:

“Well, we're back at it again! The wicked chill van is delivering fresh Revibe to a bowling alley near you if you live near Bayside Bowl in Portland, ME!”

I do, in fact, live near Bayside Bowl, so this description is accurate for me. Well played, Revibe. Stop calling your van the wicked chill van tho, you and I both know it smells like farts and old Doritos and that is neither wicked nor particularly chill.

 this pug: significantly more wicked and chill than your gross van.

this pug: significantly more wicked and chill than your gross van.

I know that some shit is going down at Geno’s right now, and I sincerely hope that they can work it all out and at the end they all do a group hug thing and cry a little? Maybe just a tear of joy or two. And then they get drunk together or take their annual camping trip and then everything turns out fine. That’s what I hope for at Geno’s. In the meantime, they’re doing this DJ night STVCK IN DA TRVP with Diamond Jym and Trele the God spinning bangers for you. They describe the night as “dgaf vibes,” which, Diamond Jym I know you wrote that, I fucking love you please don’t ever change. Here’s an actual conversation I had with him the other day:

Me: “What is that you’re wearing, a set of rosary beads with your tank top there?”

Diamond Jym: Yeah. *pulls beads out from under tank top”

Me: “Your style is fucking on point, man. You keep that shit tight.”

DJ: “Yeah I know.”

AND SCENE.

Plague is doing a Game of Thrones themed night tonight. Thinking about the fet scenes that will go on after this thing crack me up. On a related note did you watch the premiere of GoT last week? I live and die for my homegirl Brienne of Tarth and there’s a scene in last week’s episode in which Baltimore Mayor Tommy Ciccetti walks up to Stanza and says of Brienne, “She’s a very impressive woman,” and it’s basically my favorite thing that’s ever happened on that show.

 We have GOT to get these two together!

We have GOT to get these two together!

This guy Don Gooding is doing a Sinatra tribute show at Anthony’s pizza. This is what I’d be doing for dinner if I were in town tonight. Classic and hilarious!

Then I’d go see my beloved Johnny Cremains with the Tarantula Brothers at Empire. I think maybe Johnny Cremains are working on some new material, they’ve been putting up some creepy videos lately. I like the aesthetic of their band because it really feels like they live on this thin veil between worlds, the old and new, the profane and sacred, the superficial and the underworld.

Acoustic Radio is at RiRa. Flask has Friction Friday. PCMH is doing an 80’s vs 90’s DJ night. Salvage has the Steve Jones Band.

Finally, Oxbow is ALSO hosting a DJ night, with Sh-Boom and DJ James spinning soul 45’s.

Saturday July 22

The Cosmic Bridge festival is happening in Thomas Knight park in South Portland. Bands playing include Nuclear Bootz, The Bumbling Woohas, MOME, Korovyov, Peach Hat, Fenimore, Morningface, Lacuna, BURR, Safe Word, Myles Bullen, & a surprise MYSTERY band, apparently. All ages, bring yer dogz. What makes the bridge cosmic, tho? Sounds like some Scientology nonsense to me.

Mathew’s has bands out on the deck today - No Good, A Deer Horse, Hopeless Losers and Time Out Timmy.

Bunker Brewing has Zeme Libre and the band that I won’t name until they change their terrible racist band name. Oxbow has Purse, BBQ, Wedding Camp and Japanese Monster.  The Apohadion Theater has John Davis, Tin Ceilings Jr. and The Orchards. 

Xavier Rudd is at PCMH. Duquette is at OLS. Bebe Buell and the Rebel Souls are at PHOME.  

Salvage has Barefoot Fossie and the Coop. Flask has a DJ show called System Update. King Day and the New Imperials are at Slab.

Spoon and The New Pornographers are at State Theatre and Jeff Beam opens. I guess it was either last year or the year prior that Jeff Beam and Britt Daniel jammed at Empire after Spoon was at the State Theater, and this show feels like that thing where you go out with all your friends and have basically the best time ever, and you have that one friend who’s like LET’S GO BACK TO THAT PLACE AND RECREATE THAT MAGIC and you go but it really doesn’t live up to the original memory. I mean what can compare as a musician to being joined on stage by the leader of your favorite band? Sometimes I think legitimacy leeches excitement out of stuff.

Geno’s has The Gamma Goochies, Gwynne and the Tonics and The Wallhangers. Shabti, Churchburn, Plagues and Imipolex are at Empire.

Sunday July 23

Murcielago, Peepshow, Riverton Diesel and King Memphis are doing a memorial show for their friend John Joslin at Geno's today from 1-7. Everyone is freaking out because Murcielago will play again. Everyone who's ANYONE will be there! If my legs are functional I will be too.

Alright my salty little pasteurized processed cheese foods, this is where I leave you. Have a good weekend and remember the rules! No drinking and driving! Not ever! Tip your servers, look out for each other, keep your eyes out and open and keep your community safe. Tolerate zero bullshit! Dance it out, and when you think it’s out, dance more! I wish I had more for you this week, but I was finishing the artwork for my bestie’s new album. It’s so good, I tried to write about it for you this week, but with my limited time I couldn’t get the story to a place that felt genuine and conveyed what I want to convey, which is how fucking PROUD I am of my pal for making this record. So more on that later, but I strongly suggest you go listen to the first single from the record here. For now, though, I just need you to keep your heart open and ready for all of it, just all of it. These are bright days, this golden summer bridge, but if things get dark for you, remember that I’m here and I love you! Heaven has denied us its kingdom, the saints are drunk and howling at the moon but the chariots of angels are colliding, well I’ll run, babe, but I’ll come running straight to you for I am captured! Straight to you for I am captured one more time...