What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

Hello. Here are the things, please you to enjoy all of the things or only some of them depending on whether you can do with your body that thing in which you send a particle through a barrier with a bunch of holes in it and when you observe it the particle passes through all the holes simultaneously instead of just passing through one which is what you THINK a particle should do so maybe the particle is acting like a wave because you are observing it or maybe the particle is becoming many particles just to fuck with you or maybe it isn’t because quantum physics is fucked up and nothing we know is real, we’re all just a bunch of highly unskilled chaos magicians and Donald Trump is a High Wizard with the darkest powers among us, shaping our world into a frightening gelatinous ball of psychic ennui and flip-flappety unease and total unrelenting fear. YES I’M FINE THANKS FOR ASKING NOTHING WRONG HERE.

Friday June 2

Prism Analog is doing their first live recording show. It is five bucks and it has Dan Stewart and Thomas Heyman. Local Erik Neilson who you may recognize from Ghosts of Johnson City has been out in the woods writing solo material which we will assume will be debuted here. Sweet.

Italian music and dance collective Newpoli is at Mayo Street Arts. “Country Singer” Jody Cunningham is at Brian Boru. Why, tho? Skyfoot, Hambone and Merther are at PHOME - the one-two punch of yer funks and yer jammies. Salvage has Pete Witham and the Cozmik Zombies.

 In this example, I am being played by Wayne Campbell and Pete Witham is being played by Cassandra.

In this example, I am being played by Wayne Campbell and Pete Witham is being played by Cassandra.

OLS has a tribute to country supergroup The Highwaymen, who were Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristoffersen and Waylon Jennings. This is a Travis James Humphrey joint, Our First Saint of the perpetual happy hour gig. TJH is also at Dogfish earlier in the evening, and after him they have Mel and the J Tones.

Spencer Albee is releasing his new album Relentlessly Yours with support from Starcrossed Losers and Mosart212 at Port City Music Hall. I have to say that the title of this album really cracks me up, though I haven’t yet listened to it yet. Supposedly this show is close to sold out so if you want to go you’ll have to, like, give a door guy a blowie or something, I don’t fucking know.  

In this week’s edition of Inside Jokes I’m Not A Part Of And Neither Are You, McClurefest is happening at Geno’s with Worshipper, Hessian and Facepaint. From the event invite: “Portland's annual celebration of the life and legacy of unarguably the best actor of the 21st century: Doug McClure. Best Doug McClure costume pays full price at the door!”  OK.  

They’re doing a Hamilton sing along in Congress Square Park. I’m not obsessed with Hamilton, so this is all you, bro. Then after that there’s a cabaret type thing called Dark Follies in the park. Another First Friday thing is that Bayside Bowl has an early show starring the MAMM kids at 5:30. The Maine Youth Orchestra is also over on High Street doing performances for FF too.   

Saturday June 3

Mathew’s has Trial by Stone, Port City Saints, Second Sight “and more,” so they’re probably still looking for acts for this bill, if you have a band and you’re free.  Maybe there’s just a sign up portion at this show who knows.

Blue has jazz and they’re doing Thelonious Monk and Michael Beling pieces tonight.

Nonpoint is at Port City Music Hall and they basically look like some kind of Korn meets Limp Bizkit situation but you know, you do you or something I guess.  

There’s a Flamenco dance and music performance at South Portland Auditorium.

Glam dance party at Flask, get your shiny bodysuits out of the drawer where you keep all yer freaky shizz. This is the unofficial start of Pride month, it’s free but you can donate to the Preble Street Teen Center or Portland Outright while you’re there.  

Roots/Americana extra-good-at-guitar lady Miss Tess and the Talkbacks are at OLS.

Funk band Shutdown Brown is at PHOME. No opener, this is “an evening with.” Bold.

Big Ass Rooster is at Salvage.

Septic Lizard’s curated weekend at Geno’s continues with Curse the Son, Gorcrow and Apollyon.

Labyrinthine fun house Bayside Bowl has a mezzanine now over their new lanes, and Mr. Dereloid is doing a DJ night up there tonight.

Frankie Ballard is at Aura. Aura is literally just trolling us now. Look at this guy and tell me you don’t want to go on some kind of Lemonade baseball bat spree.

Sunday June 4

For Sunday, how about this?

Hey. I’m a little heartsick right now. Maybe just hold my hand and sit here on the couch with me and let’s watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Or we could just slow dance to this instead, that would also be good:

I love you. You complete me. XOXOXO FOREVER.