It’s the most horrible time of the year!
With relatives bickering
And your parents triggering
Anger and fear!
It’s the most horrible time of the year!
It’s the crap-crappiest season of all!
Getting fat from stress eating
Spending too much on heating
Put your fist through drywall!
It’s the crap-crappiest season of allllllll!!!!!
Hey guys. FUCK CHRISTMAS. Sorry Christians, I get that you’re doing a whole birth of Jesus thing this weekend, but like, history and fucking science have pretty much confirmed that Jesus wasn’t born in December, and this holiday is so fucking transparent as an end-of-year capitalist cash grab it makes me crazy just thinking about it. "Quick, pad the books for investors, lest our gilded mansions have to lay off one minimum wage landscaper next summer!" And, as they say, IN THIS ECONOMY, why are any of us going out and blowing money on fucking crap we truly do not need when in a year from now we’ll all probably need to stand on bread lines to get a few meager calories for our family, pregnant, diseased and living in abject poverty while fucking Snowball and Napoleon and their gang of pigs Scrooge McDuck their nasty old angry wrinkled bodies through giant tubs of money ill-begotten on the backs of their “constituents,” a word I now put in quotes because the idea of the US being a fucking democracy at this point is laughable.
Christian holidays are, like, the original fucking cultural appropriations. Hello, my dudes, the fucking solstice is what we’re celebrating. The point at which our pagan af ancestors saw the sun stop in the sky. Sol. Stice. Sun. Stop. The shortest day of the year, but by far not the coldest for us up here in the northern hemisphere. Shit, even celebrating birthdays was still considered a pagan practice when they first decided to pick a date to celebrate Jesus. Science! You know, I would say I’d love to hear what flat earthers have to say about why the solstice happens, but like, I really really really don’t want to hear that. Not even a little fucking bit.
Anyway, look, here’s the thing. Our obsession with consumption, with being good, willing consumers? It is literally destroying us. I participate to an extent because there are two wonderful little girls in my life who enjoy Christmas and I like to give them gifts, and I also enjoy gift giving in general, but like, this compartmentalization of gift giving in itself is also just like, so so troubling. We’re like LET’S NOT APPRECIATE EACH OTHER FOR 364 DAYS AND THEN APPRECIATE EACH OTHER FOR ONE DAY. What a great life.
We’re just so fucking out of whack. We’re so fucked, culturally and emotionally. FUCK.
Anyway, look, I’m not trying to rain on your expensive, exhausting parade, but like, you should think about this stuff for a minute if you do Christmas. What are your motivations? Why do you like it? How can you make it fulfilling for others and enriching for yourself? Are there ways you can bring that spirit into your regular daily life without having to push it all to one day a year? What are the real roots of it, culturally but also for you yourself?
So, like, this past week I had some stuff go down that kind of sucked me out of my normal schedule and stressed me out to the point at which I haven’t been able to get much writing done. I’m spending my Christmas weekend dogsitting the two greatest dogs in the world, and I’m basically going to spoon dogs, make food in my instant pot and catch up on writing and all the other crap I’ve gotta get done outside of my actual paid jobs. I have no listings for you this week, but as usual, the calendar is always updated. Even on weekdays, y’all, just check that calendar.
And if any of you make it to The Gang’s All Here at PCMH tonight, then I’ll see you there in my best Christmas dress.
When I say best Christmas dress though, I just mean a black dress that I wear any other day of the year because designating significance to any particular day is completely arbitrary and functions as a coping mechanism with which we humans stave off crushing existential dread and fear of the unknown. COOL, MERRY CHRISTMAS YA DICKS!!!! XOXOXOOXOXOX VK