What's up you horny pervs! I knew that talking about butts would get you to click on this thing. Aren't you glad we have, like, zero editorial standards here at HOT TRASH Worldwide Headquarters!? Let's talk about sex!
Are you a Dan Savage fan? You should be. He's a pretty remarkable writer, podcaster and advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights, whose "brand," if you will, centers around his nationally syndicated sex advice column, Savage Love.
One other amazing thing that Dan does is the HUMP! Festival! What is it? Well, my friend, the HUMP! Festival is a film festival of short dirty movies (porn, you guys, it's porn!) made by independent filmmakers, inclusive of people of all shapes, sizes, colors, sexualities, proclivities, genders, adult ages, kinks, etc. It's not the sad, misogynist, violent bullshit you find on red... x... hamster(?) or whatever, it's body positive, sex positive, inspirational stuff.
We need this because people are weird, and sex is weird, and it's fucking time that we stopped acting like some nasty dude choking out and jackhammering some poor woman with huge tits and a full punch card at the waxing salon while she moans and pretends she's having an orgasm is what sex is like for everyone all the time. In fact, I'm going to venture a guess that LIKE ALMOST FUCKING EVERYTHING IN AMERICA IN 2017, most people aren't even into that kind of sex but because our culture caters to the tiny percentage of our population who are hetero cis white men that grew up on a diet of endemic misogyny, that's what we've got for porn most of the time.
You deserve better. You deserve to go to the HUMP! Festival. It's so great, you guys, I went a couple of years ago in Seattle and it was a truly enlightening, hilarious, provocative experience that, if I'm being honest, made me feel more at home in all of my weird sex stuff.
That's why I'm giving away a pair of tickets to the HUMP! Festival which takes places over two days at SPACE Gallery on Friday October 20th and Saturday October 21st. Want them? Here's how to get them.
Dan Savage famously created the neologism "santorum," whose definition I'll just let you read at that link. To honor this grand tradition, we want your best neologisms for sex! A great example of a neologism I find hilarious is, for instance, "the great divide" in reference to a vagina. Or "the beast with two backs" for missionary sex. Get it? Look, we all know that Mainers are THE BEST IN THE NATION at coming up with hilarious nicknames for stuff. So think of all the ridiculous ways you refer to the act of DOING IT (whatever "it" happens to be for you, this is an inclusive joint, y'all) and comment on this blog post below. I'll pick a winner based on likes or general consensus or whatever I feel like using as criteria, this isn't a scientific thing. Enter as many times as you want!
Here are the rules, though: NO VIOLENCE, NO BIGOTRY, NO HOMOPHOBIA, NO TRANSPHOBIA, NO RACISM, NO MISOGYNY, I will delete your comment so fast if you even try to turn this into a way to try to marginalize, threaten or demean. You can absolutely be disgusting and gross, though. If you don't know the difference between being gross in a way that's fun vs. being gross in a way that's demeaning, then HUMP! isn't for you anyway. Ya dig? Good. I'm not fucking around.
I'll announce the winner next Monday, so you have time to plan your sweet weekend at HUMP!