I am so tired. Are any of you just like, totally exhausted by the fucking internet? I’m stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place (your mom’s dick! HAHAHAHAHA). Here’s an example of what generally goes on with me:
So I’m over here at my fucking laptop computing device, trying to just like, do something to enrich my community. I LIKE ARTSY TOWNS, MAN. I fucking love an artsy town. I love a locally owned venue. I love a local band. I fucking LOOOOVEEEE a store filled with fucking handmade local shit. Fucking PICNIC ARE YOU KIDDING ME I WANT TO MAKE SWEET LOVE TO IT FOR SHITSSAKE, UHHH GET OVER HERE AND LET ME STICK MY TONGUE IN ALL OF YOUR FUCKING SWEET ASS LOCALLY MADE CRAFTS YOU HOT BITCH. An artsy town is slammin-outrageous.
As some of you may already know, however, it is very difficult to cross the Great Divide of “people who are involved in the arts and know about what’s going on” and “people who live a town over and are not involved in the arts and have no idea what’s going on.” As such, over at HOT TRASH Worldwide Headquarters, we had a meeting (with nobody) and we (just me) decided that this web site could be a bridge of a certain sort, a way for humans who wish to know MORE about The Arts™ to, you know, find out more about the fucking arts, jesus fucking christ why do I have to spoonfeed you EVERYTHING?
My point is that I do not do this for money. There is literally no money involved other than what I pay to host this web site, and aside from the occasional free show tickets, I pay my way to your goddam shows and stuff, like, I’m not linked into some secret Illuminati of local music by which I’m becoming part of the 1% via cursing on the Internet. Though, if that WERE a way to become rich I’d be the fucking Koch brothers by now.
So like, with the best of intentions and no money at all involved, why in the goddam actual fuck is everyone so fucking mean and self-righteous? You guys know I used to live in Seattle, so when the HUMP! Festival people were like “help us promote!” I was like, yes good, cool. So I wrote a post about it, asked people to not be racist/ableist/homo- or transphobic/misogynist in it, and the FIRST fucking comment on it is “So Misandristic behaviour is cool, thanks for leaving that one out.”
Like… WHAT? FIRST OF ALL, misandry isn’t a thing. No, it’s not. Men’s rights is fucking nonsense and get out of my face with that shit. I’m not going to explain why, do the reading yourself. What I want to know is why are you picking on me?
Are we not in this together? What happened to punching up, as a thing? Like, I get that you’re pissed about stuff, I’m not happy with how the world is right now either, but you can’t just go around making shit up that doesn’t exist in order to bring other people down. That helps literally not one person. Not even you. You don’t feel better, I guarantee it.
This happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. You say one thing, like “girl power!” or some innocuous shit and and some ding dong materializes from the ether to ‘correct’ you or whatever and get all offended by what you have to say, or seizes upon one tiny part of what you said and twists it into a big gummy dildo with which to fuck himself in the ass while he spews vitriol onto the internet.
No, it’s not always a “he.” But it’s mostly a he. You really only get shes when it comes to racist shit because white women are really good at being racist turds from behind their safe, sad little altars of mocha Frappuccinos and Pottery Barn pillows and Zulily tunic and leggings sets and scentsy fucking wax warmers or whatever. And “theys” rarely show up to be assholes, probably because they’re so busy being attacked by people they don’t have time to sit around being terrible.
We used to have an understanding, is the thing. We used to punch up at the corporate and government forces that would keep us down. We used to Stick It To The Man. We used to use the phrase “selling out” when one of our own crossed over into the world of money and profiteering, trading their integrity for a fat check. We used to understand that it was us against them.
You know the old yarn. Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? One of the most famous lines in rock and roll FOR A REASON.
These days we’re just fucking cannibalizing ourselves. Every time you come after another Citizen without considering that they might be JUST AS UPSET ABOUT THE WORLD AS YOU, you destroy us as a community. Tiny cracks in the edifice that keeps us together. You’re making it worse. Make something. Put something into your community. Do something GOOD that has nothing to do with your own self-aggrandizement. STOP looking for ways to tear other people down.
You’ll feel better. I promise. When you stop thinking about yourself all the time, you feel better. You foster creativity. You see things from a different view. It’s exciting to live that way. Please try it. There’s another way to do it, by the way. Acid. Yeah man, fucking acid. It is scientifically proven to unlock your capacity for empathy. Do a shitload of acid (safely) this weekend! Come Monday, you might have a whole new understanding that our ENTIRE COUNTRY is in a massive amount of pain right now, and it has nothing to do with women feeling empowered on the internet or people pointing out that black lives matter. It has to do with your survival being threatened.
Please, I am begging each of you, realize that the majority of the problems we have right now are because of economic disparity, which is something entirely controlled by a few people who are using your anger and outrage as an economic driver to put MORE money in their companies’ coffers. Don’t be a tool for the machine. In fact, if I may? RAGE AGAINST IT. You know, like we used to. Stop helping them, stop weakening our power by attacking members of your own community. This is what they want. This is how they win.
I’m fucking exhausted, have a good weekend.
Friday October 13
Mayo Street Arts, I salute you, because you’re always over there in your snuggly little church, providing a venue for some of the most interesting, undergroundy and perspective-widening things. Take this Not So Silent Film Extravaganza they’re doing. Students of The Art Department and Listen Up Music, two organizations that provide creative opportunities for differently-abled humans, are performing a live soundtrack over a student-made silent film. I mean jesus goddam christ you guys, why are you so rad and kind and everything we need in the world right now? The entire world is busy trolling each other and you’re over here being like, “hey when you guys are done you’re welcome to come in here and celebrate people from all cultures and lifestyles, you know, when you’re ready.” I love you and I want you to be my best friend. I’m talking to the venue, not the people who run it. I’m not good with people, you guys probably figured that out by now by reading this dumb blog. OK.
This weekend’s line up of shows has some really high quality shit. Into the Aether, A Festival of Sound is at Geno’s and SPACE Gallery this weekend. As it’s hilariously overdramatic name would indicate, it’s two days of the darkest of heavy music: doom, black metal, dark ambient, etc. This is a Last Mercy Emissions Joint, and I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again: Jon Morse is pretty much killing it right now. I like certain bands in this genre, but it’s generally not my thing (although hilariously I found out a couple weeks ago that the amazing A Film in Color went to my high school… go River Dell Golden Hawks!). However, Jon is the most professional independent promoter up in this charming fish-scented village. And when he took over booking and promotion for Geno’s in the wake of Kaitlyn leaving, he had a tough road ahead of him - Kaitlyn was a beloved figure at Geno’s for a long time, and after the hullabaloo of her public breakup with the venue, there was a wave of public disdain for Geno’s (and for the record, I don’t believe Geno’s or JR to be anti-trans, we can talk about that IRL if you want to know why). But Jon just jumped in and really put some life back into Geno’s, which for a while felt as if it was floundering. You may not go there, but clubs like Geno’s are important - they provide an outlet for fringe and sub-independent acts, stuff that the more mainstream places don’t go for. So anyway, thanks Jon for keeping this kind of music and this kind of club alive in Portland, thank you for all of your hard work, and also for booking what looks like a fucking killer lineup for this fest.
Sam Amidon is at OLS. He has one song I love but I couldn’t get into the rest of this album. I’d tell you that this song makes me cry thinking about my mom coming to this country as an immigrant, but you’d be like EVERYTHING MAKES YOU CRY YOU BIG DOUGH BALL and you’d roll your eyes and I’d be like bitch, you’re right, I seent you.
Royal Hammer is coming out of hiding for a night at Empire. You know my feeling about white dude reggae bands, but there’s enough talent and cultural awareness on Royal Hammer’s team that I’m not going to give them a hard time. “Respectful homage?” Well played, Royal Hammer, well played.
You can get your alt-country fix at PHOME with Jay Bragg and Tricky Britches. Purveyors of hilarity Crunk Witch, along with Human Speakers (eyenine and seth on gray street) and Stay on Mars are at Bayside Bowl. Some band that looks fucking terrible called Blue October, that has been infecting my hulu watching with their stupid promo ads for their show, are at Aura tonight, and I fucking hate them just because of their insincere fucking asshole ads. Derive, Cuse Me, $300 and KGFREEZE are at Apohadion. Blue has Fat Knuckle Freddy, Olive Tiger and El Malo. Americana band Doughty Hill is at The Thirsty Pig. Rexy and the Bones are at Dogfish, Dean Ford and the Keepsakes are at Brian Boru, the Dapper Gents are at RiRa, aaannnnnddd Cajun Aces are at Salvage.
Saturday October 14
There’s this bad bitch of punk and psychedelic country music, Hayley Thompson King, and she’s at Bayside Bowl tonight with Joel Thetford. Go develop a hard crush on her, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The Gamma Goochies, Kermit’s Finger and the Aquanauts are at Geno’s. Kermit’s finger? Gross. Primo Cubano is at PHOME. PCMH has The Weeks and Dan Luke and the Raid. DJs Jasen Loveland and Mosart212 are at Maine Craft Distilling for a dance party.
In honor of Hoptoberfest, there’s an extra special Prime the Pump at The Thirsty Pig this afternoon, with Clara Junkey, Lucas Roy, Mike Maurice, Ryan Halliburton and Chris White.
Dan Blakeslee is performing Halloween songs as his spooky alter ego Dr. Gasp! at Apohadion.
Mayday! and The Late Ones with Inner Family Legacy and Northern Lights Nation are at Empire. What is this show, some kind of weed culture thing? It reads like a weed culture thing, or like something that would be warped-tour adjacent. Is that a Monster energy drink logo on your poster? What’s happening here?
Sunday October 15
Chris Barron, the only other person besides Ivan Neville whose name is worth remembering from the 90’s band The Spin Doctors, is playing solo at OLS this evening with Will Bradford from SeepeopleS with Ian Riley on bass. Since the days that “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” annoyed the shit out of you on the radio and… well, this Sunday I guess, Chris has switched gears to become an introspective, husky-voiced singer/songwriter. Come to see my friends Will and Ian open for him - Will is my best friend, so of course I want you to go see him play music, but the fun fact behind that is that the only reason Will and I became friends is because of his music, which I’ve been a fan of for 15 years - we wouldn’t have met had I not loitered around after a SeepeopleS show trying to get my paws on a cd. Will is a creative genius, a master songwriter and he’s got such a warm, gentle, spooky voice, and he’s been doing this shit so long now that his performances are just really relaxed and fun in that way where you don't notice that he's trying. Also, he writes really heartfelt crap, like, come cry with me. YOU KNOW I LOVE TO CRY. Anyway, that’s my pitch. My pick of the weekend, frankly. Here’s a video of a song will wrote and performs that I think is a great example of the kind of shit he does solo:
Funk and rnb act Dynamo are at PHOME with Ocean Sol Jazz Ensemble. Blue has Dark Hollow Bottling Company. And Flask has their Sundaze party for those of you coming back from Petrified Forest who aren’t done partying yet.