What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Late in the Day Weekend Edition!

Daddy would you like some sausage? Daddy would you like some sausages?

I truly have no idea why that’s stuck in my head.

For your information, this is me being creative!

Welcome to the hellmouth. If you like summer, then I’m so sorry to tell you that the next couple weekends are your last gasp at flip flop festies and sunny stoop sangrias, for it is now time for saucy silky sweaters and plucky pumpkin piethings and IT IS THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR. I am so happy it is once again the wonderful season of Autumn, because for me, the heat and humidity of summer locks me into a sort of dermal purgatory, in which it is entirely too hot and sunburny to go outside and risk losing my sallow Victorian pallor in favor of sun hives (a real thing, I get them, and they both itch AND hurt! A winning combination!) and it’s too damn hot and sticky and slimetime horror show inside of the houses, causing a DIFFERENT kind of ugly rash that makes me miserable.

You know what doesn’t fuck with the skin? A crisp breeze rustling a pile of freshly raked leaves. A windbreaker and a nice locally roasted coffee with a 3pm sunglow peeking over the trees. A trot around Mackworth island on a sunny day between snowfalls. The first day that the heat kicks on, but before you have to haul out the humidifier to stay sane. THAT, my friends, IS LIVING. HA-HAAA!!!!

Alright, let’s do this, then:

Friday August 26

Lots of cool little micro-shows going on this weekend. Stuff that is weird and uber local, stuff you can go to and then go to your office and impress your dullard office mates in the accounts receivable (fucking relax, AR Professionals, I fucking do accounts receivable at my job) by being like, “oh, how was my weekend? Oh no big deal I went to a basically invite-only basement show with some of Portland’s most underground bands at Vera Lounge (lololol “lounge” it’s a basement, y’all). Oh and then I popped over to the #wip Apohadion Theatre to see Advance Base, which is the dude from Casiotone for the Painfully Alone with a new name, responsible for one of my favorites from the past decade, “Old Panda Days,” do you know that song? Oh, you haven’t heard of it? It’s kind of really indie, haha wanna hear it?

“I mean, I’m basically the shrewdest.”

Don’t forget, by the way, that our Local Treasure Cherry Lemonade is leaving us. Thankfully, for now anyway, Lady Ginger remains behind to fill our hearts with that next-level drag we all crave, but Cherry is off to the mean streets of New York City, where we hope she will find next-level success befitting all of the work she has put into honing her craft.  Anyway, Cherry hosts her going away party at Styxx tonight, if you’re so inclined to go dance in honor of Portland’s fiercest native son.  Ha. “Fierce.” What is this, 2001?

If you missed Jawgems’ listening party last night at the Bearded Lady, then you can go see them play the new tracks live at PHOME at their HEATWEAVER release party. Do you not yet know Jawgems? I’m not trying to boil it down to something so simple, but I AM: if you like Ratatat, you should go see Jawgems. You get it.

Punk bands Battery Steele, The Keeper Class, Adulting and Suburban Samurai are at Geno’s. Mayo Street Arts has a pretty interesting bill of eclectic solo performers Tom Kovacevic, Leif Sherman Curtis and A.E. McInnis.

Other stuff.  Calendar, remember?

Saturday August 27

Tonight we say hello again to A Murder of Crows, a band of your best friends getting together to play really well executed funk and soul covers, led by Kenya Hall. They play at Empire tonight. I of course have not seen them yet because they haven’t played since I moved here, but there is youtube and of course this show looks incredibly fun. You know I take issue with the cover shows mostly, but it's hard to begrudge a night of well executed funk and soul classics. Everyone likes that. 

Well it’s the 29th annual Lobster Stomp, the end of summer 60’s garage rock/surf rock festie at Bayside Bowl. This year has The Tarantula Brothers, The English Muffins, and The Contrarians from NYC are headlining. Bada-bing!

The mesmerising Kafari is at Blue with Henry Redman and a special guest from Cincy, Blakhi Anu. This show is from 8:00 - 9:30 so you can aper-show at this and get a nice cocktail before you go gorge yourself on fermented corn syrup at your watering hole of choice.

Not local, but it’s worth knowing about since all your friends will be there: What Cheer? Brigade is at SPACE Gallery with Mal Devisa and (New England) Patriots.

There’s a hardcore show at Live at 212 tonight, big bad heavies Sylvia, Shabti, Hepatagua, Labyrinth and the Desert, and Exclave are at Geno’s, there’s some lovely chill jazz going on in CSP for free on Saturday afternoon from 12-2 as well. Lastly, it's the final Sub/Merge at Flask. Dance it out.

Alright my naughty little cabbages, do it right, do it tonight, and when you do, do it all night. As always, don't drink and drive, tip your servers, look out for your fellow humans and just be a good person. I love you, I ain't missing you at all, since you've been gone, away, I ain't missing you at all, no matter what I might say.