What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

'sup, you slime-encrusted codpieces?

Friday August 12

The St. Peter’s Church Italian Bazaar starts today and goes through Sunday. There’s some music but that’s not why you go to this. You go for the food, dummy. I love sausage and peppers cooked on a street and served on a roll because I’m a disgusting person with a bloated pillowcase full of meat jello for a torso and four bacon wrapped turkey legs for limbs.

 I collect unicorn figurines. It's what I do with my weekends. 

I collect unicorn figurines. It's what I do with my weekends. 

Since it’s going to be a bajillion degrees tonight, your best bet is going to be on a roof. So go to Grind the Roof! Rooftop show at Mathew’s with Psycho from Boston, Gorepedo, Bit Meat Hammer, Cryptid and No Good. It will be loud and sound kind of shitty but the beer is cheap and you can’t overspend since it’s cash only and also breezes that are not street level breezes.

 How you'll feel on the roof of Mathew's

How you'll feel on the roof of Mathew's

Are you awesome and popular? Do you like to drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music and just sit around soaking up each other’s awesomeness? Well then  Weakened Friends and Whale Oil, along with DJ Spencer Albee (that’s just Spencer Albee doing a DJ set) are at the new Bissell Brothers brewery at Thompson’s Point. Look, I just reviewed that new Weakened Friends EP, and it is excellent and you should probably go get it and listen to it, but this insidery scene of like, SUPER SUCCESSFUL POPULAR WHITE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE BEST JOBS AND THE BEST LIFE YAAAYYYY gives me a Hard Barf. Trust fund Patagonia beardeds and Get the Ring Brazillian Blow Outs. Who in the fuck else is going out to Thompson’s Point to drink craft beer? Do they even have Soul Cycle in Maine? If they had Soul Cycle in Maine, I bet people who do Soul Cycle, people who pay $34 per class to go sweat for an hour, would go hang out there. Whatever, enjoy, I know you’re going because you’re so important and popular and you’re having one of your Very Important Popular People meetings at that show.

Ok I’m done.

Here are a few more things you might like to do: it’s summer swing weekend, which means that all weekend you can take swing dance classes, some to live music. Check it out and learn to partner dance like a boss.  Or what about Geno’s for Apartment 3, Tsula and the Sad Boys and Feral Comforts?  And Foundation at Flask has a guest DJ in from Boston, get your late night dance on.

Or go look at the calendar and make your own decisions, I’m not your mother.

Saturday August 13

I think Maine has a really interesting Americana/Roots/Country scene. I’ve met some musicians from the Texas branch, the European branch, the African American/Blues branch, etc., and I know there’s some kind of Silk Road situation between here and Nashville. They bring us country music, we bring them, I don’t know, Lyme disease and terrifying 400 year old cemeteries? Well anyway, North of Nashville is playing with Hannah Daman and the Martelle Sisters and Dark Hollow Bottling Company at PHOME. Hannah Daman and Joel Thetford are like the best that humankind has to offer, so go see their sweet ass band. I’m sure all the rest of these folks are cool people too.

There is something very appealing to me about the half-assed makeup application on the press photo for The Upper Crust, who open for Hayley Thompson-King with Clara Junken at Geno’s tonight. The oddly placed moles, the inconsistency with which they put the white makeup on, I mean I get it, there’s like, a Tom Hulce Amadeus thing going on. Sure. Rock me, Amadeus. Anyway, hopefully it cools off enough to go hang out at Geno’s tonight because this should be fun, y’all know I love my Clara Junken.

Three bands I’ve never heard of are at Hella Good Tacos - The Duskwhales, Amiright? and Wilder Things. If you go, report back on what the deal is and why their poster for this gig is just an avocado. Because Hella Good Tacos is almost always out of avocados, at least when I go there. And pico. And half the meats. I mean they’re pretty much out of like everything all the time over there. But sure, yay tacos!

I’m just gonna let this show speak for itself because nothing I write could improve upon it:

Celebrate the 1,434th anniversary of the ascension of Maurice to the throne of the Roman Empire! Though there have been reports of roving bands of Lombards, we are pleased to announce a rolicking evening of entertainment featuring the bards of Triode, $300, Cushing, and Goddard.

Don't worry kiddos, the vomitoriums will be open late so be sure to imbibe enough to make our lord Bacchus blush!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maurice_(emperor)

Also, this will be Triode's last show.

Salvage BBQ has King Memphis, they’re pretty great, though out of all of those Salvage regulars, I have to give my heart to Pete Witham and the Cozmik Zombies, they are excellent and I love them.

Empire has a hip hop show with some out of towners, but also if you like Empire and you like the drinks there, etc., then you probably like Lucas, who will be performing at this show as well. Come support your friend who always takes care of your sorry drunk ass.  

The Munjoy Hill Tavern has its grand opening tonight and I guess this is where Mama’s Crow Bar used to be so everyone is up in arms about it instead of just accepting the fact that shit changes and we have to deal with that. Sometimes I think the people who rail about these kinds of things fear death more than anything else. And keeping everything the same is a way to feel like you’re cheating the grim reaper. But I mean one bar replacing another isn’t the same as one of the last music stores in town being replaced by a Chase Bank. Perspective. Though I will say that none of that changes the fact that the Munjoy Hill Tavern looks dumb and boring and so normcore that they hung your dad’s pleated khakis in the windows as curtains. At least the Crow Bar had a personality.

Sunday August 14

I guess the Bgood Block Party? I don’t know. But there’s a new fetish party coming to town on Thursday. Take the day to get your latex out of the closet and give it a good rub down before Tilt’s premiere Thursday.

Alright, that should do it. Go check the calendar for everything else, and have a good weekend plundering the tunnels of your loved ones. Or your hated ones. I mean I guess you don’t have to have any feelings at all about someone whose tunnels you plunder, other than feeling attracted and ensuring mutual consent. So enjoy ambivalently plundering your consenting tunnels and get the fuck out of my face. I love you, hit me baby one more time.