What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: America Fuck Yeah Weekend Edition!

Well, that’s it. Summer is officially over as of Tuesday next week. When I’m not on this blog making fun of you sweat-encrusted dong tunnels or writing stuff for that glossy rag for whom I do or doing marketing for that band that I love, I work full time for a heating contractor. And basically once 4th of July happens, everyone comes back home, scrapes the sand and warm domestic beer sludge out of their taints, starts the arduous process of digesting all of the processed meat products they shoved into their slime-walled face holes over the weekend and starts calling me to get whatever terrifying heating machine lurks in their basement ready for the dead of winter. We get so little summah here, is my point. Enjoy the fuck out of it no matter what you do.

Please, though, for the LOVE OF GOD AND EVERYTHING HOLY (hahaha there is no god, lame-o, that’s just a turn of phrase!) DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE, and keep a bucket of water handy or some shit, for when you’re blowing up tiny explosives in your yard? And like, don’t shoot off roman candles from your butts and your mouths and shit? Can you fucking handle that? Do you think just this once we can make it through the weekend without someone Darwin Awardsing themselves out of existence? You’re gonna get hammered, we get it. So either like, bring a change of clothes and a toothbrush to the barbecue and sleep it out on the floor, or fucking be prepared to pay Uber surge prices. Just deal with it and don’t get behind the wheel.

Alright, here we go, butt nuts:

Friday, July 2

First some First Friday shit:

Sister Steel Plays in Congress Square park from 6-8pm.

Dark Follies will perform in Monument Square from 8pm-8:45, and over in Post Office Park, you’ve got a First Friday Burn happening from 8 until midnight. Both involve fire and bare midriffs and some live music, I believe. One of them says they’ll have sword dancing. HOT.

If you are in town, at least one of your favorite local artists will be playing at Portland House of Music tonight. Ken Bell, SeepeopleS, Salvage BBQ, American Roots Clothing and community recovery nonprofit Hope Acts have gotten together to raise money for Hope Acts. It’s called Take Back Home, there are 12 bands playing, and it is $10 - every dollar of that ticket price after the room cost has been met will go directly back to our community via Hope Acts, an incredible group of people who work to engage with vulnerable communities here in Maine - addicts and people in recovery, as well as asylum-seeking immigrants.

Fred Copeman and Will Bradford from SeepeopleS have worked their asses off putting this event together, and helping them has been an incredible experience for me as well - I am so impressed by American Roots Clothing and Salvage Barbecue for putting their money where their mouths are and chipping in to make this event happen. All of the bands are playing for free and donating their time and promotional efforts to get this thing off the ground. There is just so much LOVE in the thing. It’s one of those times at which I look around and I feel like I truly made the best decision of my life coming here and choosing Portland as my home. So please join me tonight at this event, let’s dance together, hug it out and tell each other how amazing we are over those little chubby glasses of prosecco from a keg they have at PHOME.    

 samesies.

samesies.

Other stuff happening is LOVE at Flask, Toby McAllister at RiRa, Empire has their Throwbacks party with DJ KTF, Salvage has Pete Witham and the Cozmik Zombies, and Darlin’ Corey and Okbari are at Blue.

Ray’s Occult and A Minor Revolution are at Geno’s with a Montreal band Lost Love.

Saturday July 2

There are two album release parties happening - the first is the wonderful, ethereal Kafari at Blue. He’ll be playing new material from his upcoming release with his partner in crime, percussionist and saxophonist Henry Redman. There probably won’t be many of us in town on this evening, so for those of us that aren’t lucky enough to be able to go to a beach or whatever the fuck for the weekend, see ya there. 

 Samesies again.

Samesies again.

The other album release party is a newcomer to the scene - Dana Massive - he is only recently 21 years old (!!) so you sodden troughs of whiskey and bile might see him starting to pop up in your favorite performance spaces. He’s doing a release and tour kickoff at Empire with Dustin Saucier and the Sad Bastards (and this might be their final show? Is that right?), Push/Shove and Dionysia from Boston. Another great bill not too far from Blue, so you can maybe do both.

The Gamma Goochies headline Geno’s with two MA bands, Classic Ruins and Halo and the Harlots.

Over at dBasement, Last Mercy Emissions is putting on a show with Apollyon and Truthsayer, with NYC band One Master and VT band Peucharist (THAT IS AN AMAZING BAND NAME, MARRY ME PEUCHARIST).

The Cosmopolitanaires are at Salvage BBQ, Clara Junken is at the Thirsty Pig,

Sunday July 3

Flask has SunDaze.

Keelan Donavan is in town from Nashville and is having his annual block party - he plays at 7.

Since there’s not much going on this weekend, let’s look at the week ahead.

Monday July 4

The Avetts are at Thompson’s Point? I like the goony Avett better than the compact Avett, I just think he’s got a better voice is all.

Tuesday July 5

The Tallest Man on Earth is with Lady Lamb at the State Theatre.

Wednesday July 6

Fun! The Empty, The English Muffins and The Tarantula Brothers are at Flask for a Free show, and the Mallett Brothers are playing the Thirsty Pig. Also, Phish is in town, so steer clear of the Civic Center.

Thursday July 7

Something called Bard’s Harvest is at Dogfish tonight. That band name sounds like one of them will be wearing an oversized vest or maybe a silk scarf made responsibly overseas.   

Fenimore, Turquoise Crown, Bright Boy, Mosart212, Jay Henderson and more are at Bearded Lady’s Jewel Box.

Acadia, North of Eden, Adulting and Seven Seconds Left are at Z Club.

That's it. See you on the other side. Good luck out there.