What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Bathrobe and Cheesecake Weekend Edition!

Holy friggin frig you guys, I mean have we had a spring so far or what. All Roads, Memorial Day, Old Port Festival, I mean it's just been a fully dick-first, taint full of sweat kind of ride for people who like to stuff their ear canals full of choice soundwaves. It's Pride Weekend, so the focus is off of the music community for a hot minute, and thank goodness because seriously, we all need to chillaxitate (H/T Will Bradford). 

So, in honor of Pride Weekend and maxin' and relaxin', we're going to spend time with the hottest of hotties who loved to just chill the fuck out and throw shade at each other and eat brunch and late night snacks and generally be BAMF MILFs. Who am I talking about? 

That's right, say hello to Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and fucking Sophia, The Golden Girls! Hard partying accidental gay icons, we love you forever, and I wish I could get on that tacky couch with you right fucking now holy shit. 

Friday June 17

Dominic and the Lucid are releasing their new album at PHOME.

El Grande is playing the patio at Amigo’s, Clara Junken is at Salvage BBQ, Blue has Shanna Underwood, Alex Smith and the Mark Shilansky quartet.

Saturday June 18

It’s Pride parade day!

Here I am, ready for the Pride parade!

Here I am, ready for the Pride parade!

I already said my word vomit on how to participate in Pride while leaving a safe space for the LGBTQIA+ community, so let’s get into the spirit of things and get out on Congress Street today - the parade starts at noon.

After the parade is the Pride festival at Deering Oaks Park. Performers include Connor Street, The Spots, Naya's Trance, The Here Kitty Kitties, City Theater of Biddeford cast of West Side Story, Lavender Blues, Danielle Dior, Cheryl Lynne, Madame Sheena, Jessie Mallory, Ryan Crawford and other special guests. Go get it.

Ryan Halliburton is playing solo at RiRa at noon

Live at 212 is hosting some kind of a little festie thing with Maine bands In The Key of Suffering, Culling The Herd. When Muppetz Attack, & Dour and a couple of out of towners. I thought this might be cool and then I saw that the promoter posted a link to a song called “Suck it Like A Porn Star,” and I immediately lost interest, because fuck you. Isn't there a men's rights subreddit you should be lurking on somewhere?

Flask is having Sub/Merge, their queer dance party for all, Salvage has King Day’s New Imperials, Blue has jazz.

The Poland Street House is hosting bands from MA and Chicago as well as Wizard Party and Diva Cup.

Oliver Waterman’s melodic, dark folk project The Wicked Woods is at Empire as part of the Roots in the Attic series, along with Tall Horse and Elison Jackson - this is the release party for The Wicked Woods’ new album.

Sunday June 19

Vinyl Tap is at Rising Tide from 1-4pm.

PHOME has a talent/variety show from a group of restaurant industry folks to benefit The Locker Project.

Flask has SunDaze, this Sunday featuring lady DJs.

Blue will let you spin your own records at 2pm, and then Dark Hollow Bottling Company is there that evening.

Ok you pant suited, blue haired, fiery sluts, go out there and rage against the dying of the light! But please be careful, look out for one another, if you are an LGBTQIA+ ally then be your best cattle dog and patrol the perimeter and let our friends party safely this weekend, and if you're not an ally, then fucking be a fucking ally for once in your life, for this one fucking day maybe it will feel good to be a non-douche for five minutes, god you are seriously the worst. And whatever you do DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE NO NOT EVER NEVER EVER because you could end up like these fresh blooms on Monday morning, and that ain't good. I love you, thank you for being a friend, travel down the road and back again, your heart is true,  you're a pal and a confidant...