What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

Hiiiiiiiii everybody!

I missed you last week. Did you miss me? Fuck you, don’t lie to me. Well, anyway, I got this SUPERFLU that has been going around because apparently I can’t have just one weekend to not feel like total crap. So I took a week off because I can do anything I want and so can you.  

I have a lot of stuff coming up though after my little vacation. I’ve been busy - but at a terribly slow pace. This week and next I’ll have shit for you about actual vs. perceived authenticity in Portland’s nightlife (SPOILER ALERT: you can’t find it at Maps… more on that in the piece), a redux of last week’s first Back Stairs at Knack Factory which I am booking and sort of kind of producing with the amazing folks at Knack Factory (the April edition features Ghosts of Johnson City and The Asthmatic, holy shit I’m excited), and reviews of a few albums that you good musician types have been sending to me. I got shit for you, is what I’m saying. I just need a minute. COULD YOU GIVE IT JUST ONE FUCKING MINUTE?   

Listen, though, a couple of things before we get into the weekend.  Firstly, Phallus Uber Alles just released a six song EP.  It’s pretty raw, go check it out:

Secondly, I want to tell you guys that I am so sorry our community lost Evan Joseph Richard. I only knew him very, very casually and we had plans to do some cool music stuff together, but I didn’t really know him - and even I feel the loss of his presence, the extinguishing of his light.  He was such a positive guy and pushed things forward, he was a doer. It felt good to be around him. And I would imagine that those of you who were his friends are devastated, and I can’t even fathom what his family is going through right now. I’m not sorry for you, life is like this sometimes to all of us, but I am sorry with you. I just want you guys to know that I have empathy for what you’re going through and you can talk to me about it if you want to. FUCK. Life is confounding.

So I guess let’s do some partying then, huh.

Friday April 8

The Portland Symphony Orchestra is doing Beethoven at the Westbrook Performing Arts Center. Dude it’s only $8. Go try to see a symphony anywhere else for fucking $8. This is both a steal and a cool opportunity, particularly because it’s also a choral concert, so all the fucking real singers the sopranos, the tenors, the mezzos, all that fancy shit, they’re all doing their thing too.

Here’s more highbrow shit, The Amarantos String Quartet is at Mayo Street Arts. Original compositions on two violins, a viola and a cello. These gals and guy also have a pop/rock background so I guess we can be sure that will flavor the work a bit. This is also a best bet for me. If I can pull my bulging sack of virus and mucous out of the house.

Folk metal guys Fall of Rauros and recently-and-ill-advisedly-renamed band Ada (formerly Butcher Boy) are at SPACE.  

I guess I’d talk about this show at Live at 212 in Westbrook, but their ball-bustingly annoying description of the show leaves a lot to be desired and fuck you I am not spending the next hour researching your shit. Are any of you bands from Maine? What kind of music is it? You’re not Radiohead guys, fucking tell us something about you so we can decide if we want to go fucking see you.

Flask has Foundation Friday.  Blue has Flamenco team Gregoire Pearce and Lindsey Bourassa, and El Malo late night.  Salvage has something but they hate me despite the fact that I spend all my disposable income there and they stopped updating their calendar hint hint if you’re reading, Team Salvage. Dogfish has sentient Ford pickup truck commercial Travis James Humphrey, and Viva. RiRa has Duke.

Fucking Empire has a Tribute 2 Whitney Houston. Kiss your fucking attendance goodbye, every other show tonight. Everyone else, go get bazooka hamballs and listen to shit you already know everything about and expose yourself to nothing new, learning absolutely zero things. Keep lamenting all the artists you didn’t get to see before they died, while real living artists are fucking playing concerts every night right under your nose.

Saturday April 9

Studio 55 has a drag show and you know I love those even though they’re not music per se, which is why I cover them. Studio 55 though? I mean it’s kind of set up like a bro bar. Can we get a little glittery gay up in this place? I get that gay and bro are not necessarily mutually exclusive, but in general they’re more like tuna and mint jelly - it’s a combo that some might enjoy, but I’ll take a pass.

Very Important Person (to the music scene and just generally) Brittany Goldych is having her birthday at Geno’s with The Skummymen, Thee Icepicks, Gant and The Spillers. Greasy.

A group of Evan Joseph Richard’s friends collected his artworks and music for a memorial event at Pinecone and Chickadee.  This is open to the public; seems a lovely way to help usher their friend to the next realm.

Devil’s Night Out is at Live at 212. Stoner metal show.

Kris Rodgers & The Dirty Gems is at Empire with a couple of out of towners opening for them.  Kind of a retro pop sound, which explains the poster for this event.

Dogfish has the Steamboat Gypsy band, Blue has jazz and Raging Brass Reggae, RiRa has Killcollins (who describe themselves as rockdiculous, I’ll just let you have at that one).

Sunday, April 10

USM is really killing it this week with events. Go look at this, Uhadi, a South African jazz allstars group, is playing a show with some local musicians/faculty members, and they’re giving a talk before hand about what it was like to make music as black people under Apartheid. We could all stand to get out of our heads and hear about an experience a million miles removed from ours. Let’s all go to this. The lecture is free, the concert is $5 if you are a student and $15 for regular adults.

The Patio Presents is also happening on Sunday at Blue. Another show I’d chat about more if the event listing had any info about its artists.

Alright. Hey. Do you, but be careful and take care of each other. Tip well, and be impeccable with your word. Say something nice to someone you love. Introduce someone you love to someone else you love, or even like. Call your mom or your dad your your brother or your niece and tell that person you love them. Be grateful for today, this moment, your eyes to read and the words to be read. Punch me in the face next time you see me for being holier than thou and totally insufferable.