What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekend Edition!

I am so depressed. I've had the humor just Trumped right out of me. Do I even know how to be funny anymore? It feels crass and inappropriate, given that we've already seen the beginnings of the fascist regime and we've already seen the hate and the violence blooming into something even more terrifying. I really don't know how to handle it. So I'll let someone else handle it for me. Please enjoy the story of how I've been coping with a Trump white house, as told in Wet Hot American Summer gifs:

Friday, November 18

Happy Folk, New Noise and Sassquatch are at EmpireJerks of Grass are at Salvage, LQH is at Dogfish, Flask has Friction Friday (drum+bass, jungle), and Blue has D. Gross, Shanna Underwood and Welterweight.

Crystal Canyon, Haru Bangs and Cushing open for Minibeast at SPACE Gallery. I just reviewed Cushing's new EP for Dispatch - I have feelings about it that you'll have to get next month's issue to find out about. In the meantime, go develop your own feelings about it:

The house on Poland Street has a show with Wedding Camp, Ghost Camp and Wizard Party. Two camps and a party, sounds like my kind of holiday weekend.

There is a tribute to the movie The Commitments at PHOME. I don't know what to think about this. Is this the whitest thing that we've ever done as a music scene? Like, "let's not cover Wilson Pickett, let's instead cover a bunch of white Europeans covering Wilson Pickett!" Or, is it just a good way to play a bunch of well-curated covers of classic soul songs (the songs in that movie are pretty sick, though the full soundtrack probably can't fill more than an hour, maybe an hour and 20)? Either way, its intentions are good, they're raising money for LEAAP, which is a treatment-not-incarceration program through the Portland PD for people with addiction issues. And you know I can get down with that.

Regardless of any of that though, I think we all know that when it comes to white people doing Otis Redding, it doesn't get better than this:

Andie, you big dummy, you were supposed to end up with Duckie. Or Stef. Preferably Duckie and Stef. Anyone but Blaine.

Saturday November 19

Tonight, Geno's gets fully back in the game with Slapsgiving 2: Giving Harder! It's the Superhero Lady Armwrestlers of Portland, of course, with their last showcase of the year. Bring dollars like you're going to the strip club, but expect to give them out for strength and winning instead of boobies and butts. Altho I think sometimes the SLAP-ers sometimes also get into boobies and butts.

Over at Mathew's, things are looking slimy with Gwar tribute band Gwell-o with NYC punk band The Shooting Gallery. Opening are Cryptid, brand new thrash rock band Eyeball, made up of members of Werewolves on Wheels and Phallus Uber Alles, and ska band Meanmugg, which is folks from El Grande, The Outsiders PBR and Roots, Rhythm and Dub.

And, bringing this trio of hard as fuck choices home are Sylvia, Feral and Lord Almighty (Boston) at Empire

PHOME has Soule Monde, and OLS has Ronnie Earl and the Broadcasters. I once dated a Ronnie Earl in Seattle. He was from Texas, he was an award-winning Elvis impersonator, and also a total maniac. Shocking to hear, I know.

Lastly, Blue has jazz, Salvage has King Day's New Imperials, Flask doesn't have anything listed and Dogfish has The Heated.

You know, people are having meetings about it and protests and community forums and that is good and wise but also we've been talking about it here for what feels like forever now: we are responsible for our beautiful community being a loving and welcoming place for all people. That means if you hear someone saying some racist shit, you say something back, you let that person know that that will not stand in our community. If you see a woman or a queer person or a young person or ANYONE being harassed or threatened, you help that person get to a safe place. Put them in an uber, help them find a friend they feel safe with. You already know what injustice, violence, racism and sexism look like. Now stand up against it. Now is the time, if it wasn't the time before. Take care of each other. Don't let each other drink and drive. Be loving and be excellent and give so many hugs unless the person you're trying to hug is like no please don't hug me and then be like, word, I feel you, no hugs, I'm down with that too. And, as always (I hope you're ready for this deep cut, ya mothafuckas) What you need is a friend to count on, what you got, baby, you got someone who will stay when the rain is fallin', and won't let it fall on you! Honey I'll be your shelter, I'll be the one to take you through the night, whenever you need shelter, I'll make everything alright, make everything alright, yeah!

I need one of you to remind me that I want to be "Tell it to my Heart" era Taylor Dane for Halloween next year. Men with flat tops and jean jackets welcome to apply to be my b boys.

I need one of you to remind me that I want to be "Tell it to my Heart" era Taylor Dane for Halloween next year. Men with flat tops and jean jackets welcome to apply to be my b boys.