What the Fuck Should I Do Tonight: Weekday Edition!

Good Morrow to you, Good Lady or Good Sir!  Let's kick it off together with some dapper-as-fuck stuff, the real shit:

Well, it’s the last day of summer, you guys.  How did summer go for you? Did you have a lovely summer fling?  Did you savor your summer getaways, soaking in all of that vitamin D from the dying star at the center of our universe?  Did you swim with sharks, figuratively or literally?  What about music?  Did you see some good music? Oh boy, I sure hope you did, I fucking did, get out of here what do you even take me for.  Well, as we make our way toward labor day and the official day of the year after which you SHALL NOT wear white let’s commit to fully embracing the official last week of summer, together, as a team.  

Let's try to avoid any awkward situations with our footwear next week, ok guys?  Just get it out of your system now.  

Monday, August 31

Morgan Lindenschmidt and Jagweed are at Poland Street House with some acts traveling through, including Chatterbox and the Latter Day Satanists (great name), Marissa Sendejas (both from Colorado) and JC & The Pennies from Michigan.  Morgan is a folk/jazz/acoustic story teller act who is deceivingly intense (seriously, go read her lyrics). One woman, one guitar.  Jagweed is a bit more mysterious than that but from what I can tell he is a one man banjo and foot stompin’ thing.  Anyway, Poland Street House is a DIY space in Portland, the show starts at 7pm and it’s donation-based at the door.  These little post-folk shows are not for everyone, not because the music isn’t something that you’d want to hear, but because they can be really intimate and focused and that can be very stifling for show goers who are used to stepping in and out, chatting, smoking and the like. The last time I went to a folk show was at St. John’s in Seattle to see Chad VanGaalen and it was a bunch of fully grown adults sitting cross legged on the floor like preschoolers during story time (and nary a piece of rug to be seen - parents, do they still give kids a shitty frayed piece of old rug for nap time these days or have we morally outraged that right out of existence? “MY child deserves ORGANIC GOOSE DOWN BEDDING, how DARE you suggest he nap on RUG!”), and the silence of the crowd felt deafening to me because I’m the type of person who can’t even just watch TV without doing three other things at the same time.  

You are getting very sleepy..

You are getting very sleepy..

Which is why I like shitty TV shows that are basically radio dramas and narrate all the action for you like you’re an idiot who can’t get it.  Last winter while I was doing a lot of visual art, I blazed through whatever episodes of that craptastic shitfest Haven were on Netflix because you don’t have to watch it because most of their scenes go something like this:

Person shines flashlight on footprints that lead into the woods

Person says “Look, footprints leading into the woods!  Do you think that they could belong to the KILLER?”

Other person puts backpack on and starts following the footprints

Other person says, “I don’t know, but I’m going to put my backpack on and follow the footprints that lead into the woods to possibly maybe find THE KILLER!”

Look, if Radiolab would get their shit together and make more than one episode a month I wouldn’t have to rot my brain like this. but sometimes you just want a narrative and talking when you’re burnt out on music.  Ear fatigue, it’s a thing.

OK ANYWAY POLAND HOUSE, MONDAY NIGHT, YA YA YA YA.

Tuesday, September 1st

It’s open DJ night at Flask!  Are you a DJ that does this?  Tell me more about it.  I’m going to assume it’s sort of like an open mic for songwriters at which you will test new material, see what works and what doesn’t, show off your new giant cardboard mouse heads, etc. I’d love to get some comments this week on who everyone’s favorite DJ is in town.  Anyway, they have $2 drafts all night, which is excellent if you only have, say, $10. Remember, you have to tip, so every beer will cost you $3. THREE BEERS IS PLENTY, IT’S A SCHOOL NIGHT.  

Wednesday, September 2nd

Micromassé is at PHOME doing their Wednesday residency.  This is a jazz trio with a ton of good press, and in case it is UNBEKNOWNST to you but KNOWNST to us, you can eat at PHOME too.  They have food!  I like PHOME a lot, but I don’t go there as much as I should because it’s a little far from my house and as you may well know from my weekly guides, I do not drive when drinking. I’m a walker. I like to walk! Here's what I look like on a Friday night going from show to show, so you guys know how to spot me:

So I tend to go to PHOME for shows, but not just to grab a bite and a beer, which is something I’d do closer to my house and I can’t fucking afford to go just “grab a bite and a beer” anyway, I mean who even talks like that. RICH PEOPLE, THAT’S WHO.  Anyway, I bet this night would be lovely for a little date or something (translation for anyone under 30: when two people who are interested in each other’s minds, hearts and the contents of their pants spend time together doing an activity, that’s called a “date.” I know, right!  It used to be a thing, it’s retro now, like having a land line), and I enjoy the fact that their menu has an item that is made from bread, olives and cream cheese, which I consider to be basically the Greatest Combination, much like Tom Brokaw considers your grandparents to have been The Greatest Generation, because, you know, they really set us all up for success and prosperity down the road, DIDN’T THEY.

Wow I really squeezed a lot of bitchy commentary in there just now, huh.  I am the Dennis Miller of shitty blogs.     

Thursday September 3rd

Alright, so Mama’s Crowbar is closing, I think that Labor Day is their last day open. I didn’t hang out there that much, I had only been there once, but bars like this that serve the locals and have flavor, it’s just such a shit shame when they close, particularly when it is due to development/gentrification.  This Thursday, they have their “final Thursday” show with Jimmy Dority and it looks like a real hoot.  Jimmy is the guy who played piano for the sodden lot over there at the Crowbar every week, but this show is a little bit different, he’s performing tonight as "Jimmy Do-Right & the Pop Go Boom.”  Here’s some copy I copied from his fb page: “With a slew of styles ranging from Phil-Spector-esque bubble-gum pop to surreal chanson to brokenhearted ballad to sraight-up rock'n'roll, Dority's music straddles categorical lines and challenges expectations.”  Cool.  This sounds mega fun. I will venture out of the house for this.  Suggested donation $5 to $10. Who wants to come with me?  

OH, you. You and your big dreams and your bigger heart, how will I ever live without you?  Hopefully I won't have to, ever.  You don't know me, but I'm your brother.  I love the way you move.  These dreams go on when I close my eyes.  You won't feel nothing until you feel the power, just the power of love, that's the power, that's the power of love, you feel the power? YOU FEEL THE POWER OF LOVE, YOU FEEL THE POWER OF LOVEEEEEEEEEEE.....